Get fed up and…

I have been studying various different tools for change for some time now. Among those, is NLP or Neuro Linguistic Programming. NLP is not only a set of tools, it is a whole mind set, and as such I have incorporated a lot of it into my approach. Yet, one aspect that never really sat right with me was that in NLP you don’t really look at the “problems”, you only look for a way out. Surely, there must be some use in our problems, or? And indeed, there is: Motivation!

It’s about the Context

A couple of days ago I was talking to a friend on the phone. As funny as it might sound, she complained about complaining too much, and that this sometimes destroys the rapport she has with people. Paracelus said that quantity makes poison, and as such anything is bad that is done too much. However, complaining in and by itself is a useful thing. So I told her that I thought that was great, and that if I ever wrote a book, I would send it to her. She laughed, and asked why?

Trances People Live

The notion of trance is often times very closely linked to that of hypnosis. People think that the only time they go into a trance is when they have somebody dangling a pocket watch in front of their nose. Furthermore, a chicken like state is also commonly associated with trance…All this could not be further from the truth. “Trance may be understood as a matter of functionality and efficiency ~ to economize consciousness resource usage” (Wikipedia). In fact, we are in some sort of trance all the time, and all we do is change between the trances we live through our day…

Masks we wear – Masks we act

For some time now I have been reading Impro by Keith Johnstone, which is a book about the art of improvisation in the theater. Written in the 70s, this book is not only very entertaining, but also offers deep insights into human interaction and the human condition. Among many other topics, Johnstone mentions what is known as “Mask” acting. Masks form important part in pageants, rituals, ceremonies and festivals. They are used to embody an important tradition to the people, and form a central part in many religious ceremonies. For Johnstone, masks represent another way of activating creative resources within his students, and more than that, they get into the experience of trance.

Values

One of the perks of doing what I do is that whenever you tell someone what I do, they tend to just go ahead and tell me their problem. This is true in every setting, whether it be in a quiet room, or whether it be after the third beer at 11 at night in the pub. While sometimes this is very unwelcome, it does give me a chance to really explore and see the maps of my friends. Among other things on the map are not only their beliefs and decisions, but also their values. Knowing other people’s values not only gives you unique insights into their psyche, but also let’s you fully appreciate how all of us are different, and are motivated by completely different things.

Taking People Literally

The other day I was watching a TV program concerned with “little men”. Note, they did not suffer from dwarfism, but were just small men (in case you were wondering, yes, there was nothing else on TV). During the course of the program several small men were interviewed, and they started talking about the problems being small brings with it. Among others, of course they believed that it impaired their ability to socialize. To counteract that problem, one guy decided to go through leg lengthening surgery. Not only is that a very long but also very painful process. While he was talking, he kept saying: “I have this problem” all the while moving his hand to about 3cm to the left of his head. He consistently did that. My bet is, his problem was right there too…

Asking the right questions

“Judge others by their questions rather than by their answers.”
Voltaire

What makes a good communicator? What makes a person innovative? What makes a good change facilitator? To all these, my personal answer is: good questions! We have been taught in school for many (maybe far too many) years, and spoon fed the knowledge we needed at the time to pass the courses, yet from a that I have to say that very little managed to stick in my mind. What did stick are the rare occasions when a teacher suddenly asked a question that required me to dig deep inside me for an answer. Questions in general, force the person you are talking to to actively participate in finding meaning and making meaning, even more so than just telling stories or giving advice. So then, what are these good questions?

Creativity

“Creativity (or creativeness) is a mental process involving the generation of new ideas or concepts, or new associations between existing ideas or concepts” (www.wikipedia.org). We usually tend to think of creativity (funny expression that, “think about creativity”) as something people either have or not. Either we are born with it, or not. But don’t we all make associations between existing ideas and concepts? Isn’t that the way our brain works, to do just that? So, at the end of the day, aren’t we all creative geniuses?

What is hypnosis?

Meeting someone new, we all start off with the regular small talk, asking about many general things, among them the job. When it comes to that, I usually look deeply and meaningfully into the persons eyes and say:”I am a hypnotist”. The reactions from people are nothing short of priceless. Many times there is a look of fear on their face, followed by something to the extent of:”ooh, then don’t look into my eyes…”. While this is an amusing episode, it does show that we have been influenced by television and movies to think about hypnosis as something dangerous and potentially damaging for us. Yet, the truth is, we all hypnotize each other all the time.

The Concept of Rapport

Inspired by Desmond Morris´s book “People watching”, I like to spend time sitting on benches or in coffee shops to observe human interaction, and it is truly fascinating. Some people perform a true dance of being in sync, their movements match, their breathing is the same, and their body language displays similar movements , whereas others show completely different breathing and movement. Sometimes I am even close enough to hear the words of the conversation, and can then see how the relationship suffers from the other person “para phrasing” what was said. At the end, what I see and experience here is the unconscious power of rapport.